


Mr. disfunctionality

by KyrieFortune



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: F/M, me writing something that is perfectly tasteful? it's more likely than you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:19:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyrieFortune/pseuds/KyrieFortune
Summary: In which Dante really doesn't know how you're supposed to deal with your own shit, really





	Mr. disfunctionality

**Author's Note:**

> Last fic for the COW-T before retiring for this year, prompts were, uh, three out of five they gave us? i chose angst, fluff and lemon
> 
> there's one of my usual detailed sex scene but it's not as long as usual and it's not the center of action so i decided to put mature instead of explicit [it's the third section, idk why i'm telling you] 
> 
> basically, dante and lady have a weird relationship that isn't quite romantic but also?? and dante is a mess like usual, and the timeline is like. post-dmc3, post-dmc1, post-dmc4 and pre-dmc5
> 
> i hope it makes sense
> 
> the title is also stupid, please bear with me

The first thing he saw opening up was the dust floating in the air, under the warm morning light that was filtering through the half-lowered shutters. The bed was soft, too soft for his liking, but he had managed to sleep rather peacefully, he had some of his usual nightmares but they were calmer than usual, barely distressing in fact and nothing worth of remembering, only leaving the usual uneasiness on him. Next to him, he could feel the mattress slightly sunken and the warm skin of her… what or who was she to him? A companion? A lover? Some more complicated relationship with loads of mixed feelings that often contradicted himself? Who knew, surely not him.

Her arm was around his waist, it wasn’t a tight clasp, but it still wasn’t easy to just ignore as he tried to get off the bed, that, now that he thought about it, was too small to have them both, how did they fit in there. He lifted her arm and put it on her side, and slowly he stood up and gathered his clothes all scattered on the floor, and he tried to put them slowly and silently, but without waking her up.

«… Dante?».

She woke up anyway, with a small grunt and he could see her squint her eyes when the sun got right in them.

«Uh, I can explain».

«Explain… what? Wait, where are you going?».

«Where do you think I’m going, Lady? I’m going home, I can’t go get a drink, I still have some self-respect».

Who even suggested you were going to get drunk… this is the nth time already you try to run away, what is wrong with you?».

He didn’t really know, only that a lot of things were wrong with him, and he wasn’t going to get psychoanalyzed right after waking up, from a girl he had fucked the night before… a girl to whom he had a huge debt with and whom he didn’t know what to think of. Did she love her? Well, he enjoyed her, ehm, company, that was obvious, but the idea of committing wasn’t all that interesting, but if he had to explain.

His answer in the end was a shrug and not an answer, not even a confused one, and her sigh following was really annoyed, no doubt about it, it was more of a groan that a sigh actually. «You’re dumb, do you know that?».

«Yeah, I’ve been told that a lot» he smirked. Yeah, Dante was dumb, he’d rather go away in silent and without warning whomever he laid with, which wasn’t a lot of people anyway, much less than people thought and much less than he liked other people to think. It was fun to give the impression of being a womanizer, although that mostly meant other people would decline his smiles with a humble request to go fuck himself. Sometimes he really tried, however, and sometimes, he really wanted to try with Lady, but he feared that it wouldn’t have worked between them.

She stood up, ignoring the fact that she was naked, but he didn’t ignore her, at all, but he pretended that he hadn’t noticed, with little results. «Go take a shower at least, before going away, you’re not gonna go home without even cleaning your… your junk, right?».

«I was gonna shower home, come on».

«Listen, you can run away whenever you want, I don’t care, but at least get out of this house with proper hygiene».

«Yes, yes, ma’am» his tone was mocking, and he immediately took off the clothes he had put on from the waist down, he hadn’t put any above it yet anyway. It didn’t feel right, to be using someone else’s bathroom for his necessities, but the warm waterfall on his back was soothing, a nice distraction in its purest form.

«Don’t use too much water, I have bills to pay».

«I’ll give you the difference».

«Don’t you owe me a bike, already?».

«Come on, since when have I disappointed you in terms of money?».

«Every day you disappoint me in terms of everything».

He could hear from her serious tone that she was annoyed at his cocky attitude that was cocky only when it suited him, but well, that was his attitude and he wasn’t going to change it for her, he wasn’t even sure he liked her for real, not he wanted to know. He didn’t want to know a lot of things, to be fair, he was always scared to discover the things he feared about him were true, had always been true, and most of those things were either immensely sad or wicked. He needed a distraction, but he also knew that his distraction shouldn’t have come at the expense of someone else, especially not Lady who still was dear to him, whatever kind of dear it was.

«Next time you go away, say goodbye at least» she told him, her voice sounding still angry, but also kind of… resigned, like she was getting used to this kind of approach «If you just want sex from me, just tell me outright, it’d be better than having my hopes up».

He wasn’t sure how to answer, and he ended up not answering at all.

***

Understandably, she was furious, she had been for a long while, and how could have he blamed her? He had told her nothing about what he has done in the last week, went away to a remote island with a stranger, destroyed the lair of the chief demon who really wanted to prove that he wasn’t a shitty destroyed of worlds and then came back with that stranger. Who also happened to be identical to his mother, so not exactly the best way to make himself look decent in the eyes of Lady.

«You could have told me! I am still your partner!».

«There wasn’t much time to tell you, and-».

«Let me guess, Dante the Demon Hunter, you didn’t want me to get hurt while involved in your crazy shenaningans?».

«Well, what should I have done, gotten you killed?».

«I get almost killed every day of the week. I’m a demon hunter too».

She had a point, of course, she always had a point.

«I got a sword in the chest, again, had it happened to you you would have been  _ dead _ ».

«Good thing one of us has decent reflexes, uh?».

«Good thing one of us can survive otherwise deadly wounds, uh?».

Lady slammed a hand on his desk with such force that to him it seemed like a small earthquake. At times, he still was amazed at how a perfectly normal human could make the worst demon, and him, get to their knees and beg, and in his case it wasn’t always for more intimate contact. In fact, intimate contact had been out of the picture for a while, and again, he couldn’t blame her, he never wanted a resolution for their whatever relationship.

«Stop thinking I am lesser than you, dammit! I work my ass off every day to keep myself, I pay my own bills, get my own stuff! I’m not an immortal bastard like you, I need to get my bones back in shape every week, and I’m still doing better than you, and you  keep treating me like a baby!».

«Come on, it was a joke-».

«It’s always a joke to you, always, I save your ass every time your debt gets too hard to handle, I’ve saved your physical ass many times already, and you still think I’m not good enough?».

«Hey, now, I never said you’re not capable, I just didn’t want you to get into my potentially mortal family bullshit, alright?».

«We met because of your potentially mortal family bullshit!».

«… fair enough».

Lady’s exasperated groan was something he got really used to, and didn’t want to be used to, she was so constantly annoyed with him he was honestly surprised she still was putting up with him. She wanted her money back, but she still tried to stick with him to the bitter end.

«Whatever. You’re honestly so annoying and dumb at times».

«But that’s my charm, right?».

Her mouth curved in a small smile but it quickly disappeared« It’s just a pain in the ass, really, I really hate that I can’t get you under the layers of stylishness and coolness, it’s a mask you don’t want to give up».

«Trust me, I really am like this».

She shrugged and before walking away from his office she sighed again and asked him «Are you ever going to admit you have issues?».

He tried to elaborate an answer that suited her need for an answer and his want of not facing those issues too complicated or hard to be comprehended, but she walked away before he could. He wondered if she was expecting one anyway. 

***

It was a sudden rush of adrenaline coming through his veins that for his was so warmly welcome, he thought he had forgot how it felt to desire someone like this. A burning pit inside him that was consuming him to an alerting speed. He needed to feel the skin under his hands, under his lips, to see how warm it was, how good it tasted. It was a sudden rush that drove him to slam Lady against the wall of her office to kiss her like he had been starving for years - perhaps he  _ was  _ \- at her just mentioning that she still wanted him, that he was an immature asshole who needed a therapist and to better keep his attitude in check and his money in his pockets, not an almost adult crushing his place to whom he couldn’t have tended to even if he had liked because, well, he was an immature asshole, and  _ yet _ . Yet she tried to get his attention, not his validation, those days were long gone and she didn’t need to be told she doing good, she knew she was a better person than him.

Her skin was soft and tempting in ways that he had forgotten that they existed. Hell, he forgot he could feel them. He was leaving dark hand marks on her thighs and bosom, bite marks on her lips, and it was now easy to understand why she had been so provocatively dressed. It was kind of a shame that it didn’t really awake lust in him, it was like she was doing it in vain, and it was sad to think that she still wanted to feel complete with him. If he was such a immature asshole, why did she still want him?

«Get on your knees, Dante».

«Alright, ma’am, I’m at your service».

It was a shame, really, that whatever untapped issue he had stopped him from enjoying her soft body, her taste lingering on his tongue as he dragged it between her legs and felt her quiver with pleasure and pent up frustration finally having a proper release. She was even better than he remembered from when they were young and still testing the waters for a relation destined to wither, to him in that moment her juices were a fine wine and he was so ready to dine on it and feast on her most intimate flesh. And her voice, her voice had a carnal depth that lingered and filled the empty room and made his blood rush to his groin like it hadn’t rushed in years and he felt like he had been missing it without knowing it. It brought him a primal satisfaction that he had never fully addressed.

She pulled his hair and brought him to face her, in her eyes there was the burning and most basic need to mate with him, not make love, but an animalistic need that stained her thighs, one of them now lifted by him to better accommodate his manhood in her, neither of them fully unclothed. The tip slid in with little effort, and it took him a handful of pushes to get it fully inside her, likely hurting her in the process of stretching her, from her gasps and grimaces she made when their hips met, but she babbled to keep going, and he did. The craving for the most direct form of intimacy hazed his mind, he didn’t want to care about anything but being pleasured by her walls tightening around him, and pleasure her in the process, moan after moan, a frantic thrust after the other with now both of her legs interlocked behind his back, but at some point his own pleasure was the only thing that mattered and his thrusts became shallow and quick, and it took him some seconds after his release to realize hers hadn’t come yet, despite the thin trail of drool down her chin.

«You want me to lick you again?» he asked.

«No, keep going...».

It was harder that he thought, fucking someone while your dick goes limp, but he did a decent enough job, dragging her beyond the plateau and shallow  _ fuck, fuck, fuck me please  _ and reaching a too-long awaited orgasm before shaking and letting her feet touch the ground again.

As the orgasm faded away, a strange, uncomfortable emptiness filled his chest. It wasn’t emptiness per se, but it felt like it. As his undoing erection fell out of her and left his release to drop out of her, he caught his breath and stares at her chest but without truly seeing it, as the emptiness started crawling down his skin and began questioning all the things he had done or that he had never answered to, like was she really just a distraction? Was it right to even use her as a distraction?

No, of course. Perhaps that emptiness was guilt for how he had treated her, althought he couldn’t have helped that his feelings for her were complicated, too complicated to be tackled on directly.

… did he really need distraction so much? Were they really that complicated?

«… Dante, is everything alright?».

«Yeah, ‘course it is. I really needed a good fuck».

«I’m really just that to you, uh? I’m used to, don’t worry».

«You’re the best fuck I can have, if that makes you happy».

She slid down to meet the floor of her office «It doesn’t, to be honest, but that’s the best I’m gonna get, right?».

«Do you want a cig?».

«Sure, why not».

A short drag of smoke afterwards, she added «Even now you’re acting like a dumb asshole».

«I’ll try not being one anymore».

«It’s been, how  long since I tried talking some sense in you?».

«Eh, who knows, ten years?».

«Glad to see you’re realizing it. Or are you just saying that to make me happy and fuck me another day?».

For once, there was no doubt in his line of thoughts.

«No, I really mean it. You still mean a lot to me, Lady».

«But what?».

That, he couldn’t answer. She sighed yet again and took the cigarette to her lips, she surely was gorgeous, although he could fear she was trying to look much more sexier than she really was -  she was sexy, but she had something gentle and genuine, not exactly pure but still something like that, that was now hidden under a white leather jacket that was too revealing for her, and a pair of hot pants discarded God know where, if he even is real. He got the impression that Lady had put on a mask of smoking hotness to hide how she truly felt, and he felt, for the first time in his life, truly connected with her.

«Doesn’t matter anyway» she continued «At least we got real close again».

***

The first thing she saw opening her eyes was his back. For a too long while that lasted many years, her routine was to see the sunlight through the semi-closed shutters and have her bed feel empty. It was a single bed, not fit for two people anyway, she wasn’t supposed to wake up with someone else by her side, but on the back of her mind there was always the nibbling thought that Dante was supposed to be there with her. Loneliness was supposed to be her routine, but breaking it into something she had wished for a long time still was startling.

She didn’t know why she liked him. She could have understood her feelings as a late teen crush on the cool guy with a dark past, but as time went on, his flaws started to really show. She wasn’t free of issues, how many nights had she woken up in a cold sweat with the image of her dead mother with her sliced throat dripping copious amounts of blood, or the… thing that was her father with a bullet in his brain, still flashing in front of her eyes as her limbs were paralyzed? She had her own issues, but she had a resolution, at least, that he seemed to often lack. He was a lazy dumbass most of the time, lamenting his misfortunes while refusing every job that didn’t appeal to him, like he had the luxury of refusing a job, and he didn’t do much beyond fulfilling his dumbest and most vapid needs.

He had a bargain that he refused to share, and even refused to check, and if there was something that she had realized at the halfway point of the cosmic covered in demon blood mess that was her life, is that there’s a point where you cannot hide from yourself. She tried to, tried to be overly sexual, it felt good for a while, even empowering, but at some point the dramatic irony of a woman trying to ignore she was slowly reaching her middle age and trying to win the appetite of a guy who didn’t even know what to feel was too heavy on her and she had dropped it. She knew, too, that her obsession with killing demons was an attempt to give herself a reason to live, and it was a good reason, but it was also kinda pointless, she could help stop all the invasions she wanted, she had kept going for so long because it was the only thing she truly knew how to do and it still means protecting humanity and those close to her.

She wondered often how Dante truly saw humanity. He had claimed that he felt human, he was one despite his blood, but something she felt that humanity was more of a pet that kept him in check, his reason not to blindly fall into a bloodthirsty frenzy.

«You awake?».

«Yeah, was busy thinking».

«About what?».

«Well, us. What are we, anyway, are we… lovers? Friends with benefits?».

«Friends with benefits, I guess. I stopped hoping for a serious relationships a long time ago».

«Really?» he turned around and it was still too surprising to see him so close for the second morning in a row, his face calm but concealing so much that was kept away from everyone, and she still wondered what. «I thought you still wanted me to be your boyfriend».

«Yeah, but I can’t get together with someone who after so long still doesn’t know what he feels for me. We’re not seventeen anymore».

«I know. I guess it’s time I really grow up?».

«Do you even know what do you feel for me? You’ve thought about it, right?».

«Of course, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. I can’t make heads or tails of lots of things».

«Like what?».

«Like what am I running from».

«I asked that yesterday and you didn’t answer me, like usual».

It was something she had always hated in him, his tendency to avoid responsibilities, he truly had never grown up, always craving the next dumb fix that didn’t even imply terrible and potentially damaging stuff. Were one to ask him about a demon needing extermination, he’s come immediately, but he ignored everything else, opening up only in the ways he seemed not too personal, and she hated that. Not enough that her interest in him completely disappeared, but enough that it would twist it into disheartened resignation.

«Would you laugh if I said that I’m really fucking terrified of opening up?».

«No shit, Sherlock, we’ve been saying that for ages».

She dared to hold him with one of her arms, glaring at his face that was usually so cocky and now seemed like… tired. Sad. Something she had never seen in him in all those years.

«Would you like to talk about it, Dante?».

«No» he raised a hand to meet hers, and held it, and his eyes, his bright eyes, so bright his irises seemed white and so unlike any human, stares right in hers and she felt that he might have never opened up to her, or anymore, but she knew that behind those only in appearance inhuman eyes there was a human heart that was aching and didn’t know how to open «but I know that I don’t wanna lose you. I dunno as what, but I don’t want to lose you».

«I kept sticking with you for so long, I’m not gonna run away».

«That’s my specialty, after all, right?».

His self-deprecation made them both dry-laugh, especially him, and to her surprise, he got his forehead right next to her, touching it. It was the most intimate thing he has ever done to her and it melted her heart, and it hurt too, knowing deep down that that didn’t matter much in the great scheme of him being a decent and functional person once in a while.

«Dante».

«Mh?».

«Do you love me?».

After so long, the answer came, but it was only a disappointing «It’s complicated, I care about you, that’s for sure, but I’m not sure that’s really love», but in all honesty, it felt like a small victory, just having him admit anything. It didn’t really hurt that much, after all, and maybe, she thought, she was still trying to ignore the fact she was never truly going to be with him, that whatever issues he had and had never had the guts to face upfront, that in reality she also was a bit immature and wanted to relive the days of her youth, when things were completely crazy and having no direction felt frightening but also kind of exciting, because it meant her life could go anywhere.

«Wanna ignore real life stuff and stay here with me doing nothing? Pretending we’re together and kinda need each other that badly?» he asked, wrapping her in a light embrace. She wondered if he was really that cocky or if had really just admitted he needed her. Who knew. Probably not even him.

«Sounds good».

**Author's Note:**

> i have no mental stability and i must write loads and get better again and maybe don't quote sf masterpieces for no reason other than trying to sound cool  
> also try to recover from writing burnout? idk


End file.
